BREAKING NEWS: Vella endorsed; Oddie tapped

ALAMEDA (April 1, 2021) – In two related developments, incoming State Attorney General Rob Bonta announced today that he was endorsing Alameda Councilwoman Malia Vella in the special election to fill his seat in the State Legislature, and Alameda Mayor Marilyn Ezzy Ashcraft promised that, if Ms. Vella wins, the Mayor would nominate former Councilman Jim Oddie as Ms. Vella’s replacement on City Council.

“She’s got everything we should be looking for in a state legislator,” Mr. Bonta said of Ms. Vella.  “She’s woke, she’s a woman, and she’s not white.”

Nevertheless, the Vella endorsement came as something of a surprise, as another person with the characteristics cited by Mr. Bonta – his own wife, Alameda Unified School District Board president Mia Bonta – also is expected to be a candidate in the special election.

Asked about this at a press conference, Mr. Bonta explained that Ms. Vella had broader support from organized labor than Ms. Bonta.  “Mia may have the teacher’s union behind her,” the new A.G. said.  “But Malia’s got the Teamsters and all the construction trades.”

For her part, Ms. Vella pledged to continue the work begun by Mr. Bonta in the Legislature.  “I will not rest until every person incarcerated in a California prison is given his, her, or their freedom – immediately,” she declared, adding that the released prisoners should be provided with free housing, health care, and recreational marijuana, “which is their basic human right.”

Ms. Vella denied that she was running for the Legislature because she needed a salary to make up for the loss of her stipend from Mills College, where she teaches a class in public policy and which is planning to close.  “All the closing means is that I won’t be able to put ‘College Professor’ next to my name on the ballot,” she said.  “Or maybe, once he becomes A.G., Rob will let me do it anyway.”

The Mayor’s promise to nominate Mr. Oddie swiftly followed Mr. Bonta’s endorsement of Ms. Vella.  Ms. Ashcraft noted that, having worked with Mr. Oddie on Council for six years, she had to come to value his “thoughtful and incisive” analysis of public issues.  She also praised the once-and-future Councilman for what she called his “robust” advocacy for “things he believes in, like rent control and letting the firefighters’ union pick the fire chief.”

The Mayor brushed aside the suggestion that she should have backed Amos White, who finished third in last November’s Council race and garnered around a thousand more votes than Mr. Oddie, to replace Ms. Vella.  “Amos is just too busy,” the mayor said.  “He talks about wanting to plant ‘100K Trees for Humanity,’ but so far all he’s had time to do is write letters to the editor complaining about three southern magnolias at Franklin Park.”

An exuberant Mr. Oddie saw the prospective appointment as a personal “vindication.”  Having finished fourth in the recent Council race despite spending more than $100,000 on his campaign, he asserted that the election had been “stolen” from him by a cabal led by members of the Alameda County Civil Grand Jury, the Alameda Citizens’ Task Force, and the Alameda Elks Lodge.

“Jeff’s got pictures of all these old white guys riffling through boxes and removing things,” he said.  “Don’t try to tell me it’s the homeless.”

Council members Trish Spencer and Tony Daysog declined to criticize either Mr. Bonta’s or Ms. Ashcraft’s actions, but they objected to the timing.  “Don’t they know what day this is?” they said in a joint statement.

About Robert Sullwold

Partner, Sullwold & Hughes Specializes in investment litigation
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18 Responses to BREAKING NEWS: Vella endorsed; Oddie tapped

  1. Robert Schrader says:

    Problem with this post is that it is almost (but not quite) believable. Gives me pause.

  2. Nad Nozaut says:

    Good one Mr Sullwold. You got me swearing and yelling!

    Dan

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. Eleanor says:

    Another reason to move out of California. I was born white; please don’t hold it against me.

  4. april says:

    April 1!

  5. KnowYouNow says:

    I know it’s supposed to be an April’s Fool joke but a lot of this feels mean-spirited and throwing red meat to the conservative “Old Alameda” crowd than anything humorous. The comments about Malia Vella are particularly reductive and really cheapens her otherwise impressive accomplishments while simultaneously takes potshots at the growing movement to center minority voices and woman empowerment (“She’s woke, she’s a woman, and she’s not white.”). But hey, it’s all just a joke, right?

    • Really says:

      Stalin didn’t have a sense of humor either…

      • KnowYouNow says:

        I’m only impressed that you were restrained enough to not go for the more cliched Hitler reference.

    • Struggle Giggles says:

      Agreed, we are now definitely in the Postmodern post-humor era, unless mandatory laughing is a prescribed penance in Robin DiAngelo’s next book…

  6. ROGER ALEXANDER says:

    A FUN READ😂😂😂😂😜😜

  7. mmegut says:

    Ha ha ha!

  8. Patsy says:

    You hooked me Bob, and thanks for the good laugh after I realized it!

  9. I know you are trying to be satirical and funny for April Fools but you missed the mark. Whatever this is is just cringy and misogynistic. it looks like you had come up with a list of targets to hit and bunch of ad hominems about each you wanted to make and worked backwards to dream up a some kind of poorly conceived narrative to chain them together and then used April Fools as an excuse to launch the attack. I guess you are expecting to others to see humor in the reductive personal attacks. I’m at a loss to see what else might be funny in this so I’m guessing that was it. You should delete this because it’s pretty ugly.

    • Humor police says:

      It makes the post even funnier, now knowing that you’re offended by it

      • dave says:

        It reminds me of the angry letters Sports Illustrated gets after its annual swimsuit issues. People write this game like: “We got out son this magazine subscription because of his healthy interest in sports and you have the NERVE to send him this pornographic filth!”

  10. Bob S says:

    Like Vella running for Assembly with a Bonita endorsement does Oddie’s appointment need to be run through a special election as well or would he assume Vellas term as Vice Mayor?…ok 🤔😂you got me

  11. Cheryl Saxton, DC says:

    Good one!

  12. Trish Herrera Spencer says:

    Won’t get fooled again, The Who, 1978. Enjoy!

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